Tag Archives: humor

Dave Barry bids adieu to 2015

As 2015’s ship sinks slowly in the west, we call on Dave Barry to tell us why we’ll be happy to say goodbye to 2015: Dave Barry’s 2015 Year in Review

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Dave Barry’s Year In Review, 2013 edition

dave_barryDave’s summary this year includes plenty of references to on-line phenomena. From The Miami Herald: Dave Barry’s Year In Review, 2013 edition:

In technology news, Microsoft, acknowledging widespread consumer dissatisfaction with Windows 8, announces that it has been chosen as the operating system for the much-anticipated Obamacare website.

and

Weather scientists at both the Weather Channel and Colorado State University, using sophisticated computer models, predict that the 2013 hurricane season will be unusually active. These scientists are immediately recruited to work on the much-anticipated rollout of Obamacare.

Visit my website: http://russbellew.com
© Russ Bellew · Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA · phone 954 873-4695

2013’s Worst Company in America: EA

Electronic Arts (EA, a computer game publisher) has, two years in a row, been voted the worst company in America. I missed this contest a few months ago, but will place the 2014 edition voting on my calendar.

wcia_bracket_header_2013finalfinal-170wHere Are Your Contestants For The 2013 Worst Company In America. AT&T got knocked off by EA in the semifinals. How did EA do it? Did it win on arrogance, or out-point AT&T on poor service, declining product value, and rising prices? Is their management really worse than AT&T’s? Do their MBAs, lawyers, public relations, and sales people also outnumber their product people? Did their CEO’s misguided attempt to purchase a competitor result in a payout of $6 billion, yet he still kept his job and was even paid millions that year?

Better luck next year, ISPs

I see that Comcast made it to the finals. Let’s hope that more ISPs such as Comcast and AT&T make it to the final round in 2014. They certainly deserve it.

Visit my website: http://russbellew.com
© Russ Bellew · Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA · phone 954 873-4695

All about college, in 140 seconds

Ian Shoales bookIan Shoales (ianshoales.com) refines everything that he learned during 12 years in college into this two-minute video clip filled with his rapid-fire instructions. It concludes:

If you’re dumb enough to get stuck in a class that requires a term paper, sprinkle your essay with these words: interface, relevance, dialectic, discourse, disturbing, and amorable.

Remember kids, all great art is boring.

Dress well and drink a lot. That’s what college is for. As for a major, go with law or medicine. Everything else is just too iffy. I oughta know. I gotta go.

Ian Shoales is the alter ego of writer and performer Merle Kessler. Ian and Merle both currently reside in San Francisco.

Visit my website: http://russbellew.com
© Russ Bellew · Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA · phone 954 873-4695

Everything’s up to date in Kansas City.

Click for Google Fiber to the PoleYou’re probably aware that Google is building fiber to the home in Kansas City. Wired broadband access is preferable to wireless, and in response to this need, even when subscribers are away from home and office, Google now offers an answer. Google, on April 1, is touting its new gigabit Fiber to the Pole service.

Everything’s up to date in Kansas City
They gone about as fer as they can go
They went an’ built a skyscraper seven stories high
About as high as a buildin’ orta grow.

Click to play music with danceEverything’s up to date in Kansas City song from stage show “Oklahoma” by Rodgers and Hammerstein. This delightful production number was performed by Gene Nelson in the 1955 movie “Oklahoma!”. It’s a magical performance. If performed today, I’m sure that the lyrics would include,

Everything’s up to date in Kansas City
They’ve even rolled out fiber to the pole

Be vewy quiet.

What’s Opera, Doc?

What's Opera, Doc?
Click image to stream or download video
Here’s a summary of what you’re missing at this summer’s Bayreuth Festival.

 

Once again, I won’t be able to attend the annual festival of Richard Wagner’s Sturm und Drang at Bayreuth. Luckily, I was able to find the highlights in an excellent seven-minute long animated video clip. Gotta love the Interweb. Any composer whose music is admired by both Adolph Hitler and Phil Spector must have something to say, even if it’s a bit nutty.

Just click on the screenshot to view or download the clip of this operatic video summary, directed by Herr Meister C. Jones. E. Fudd and B. Hase sing the lead roles. It was produced in 1957 and released by Warner Brothers. Otherwise, buy your Bayreuth tickets now and in five or ten years you might be allowed to attend the famous Bayreuther Festspiele.

Wacky video illustrates our flabby education system.

I give this guy a score of 0 for his rhythmic gymnastics routine.

 

Michelle Rhee, on NBC-TV’s Meet The Press program today showed a hilarious Olympics-themed 30-second ad for her StudentsFirst (“a movement to transform public education”) organization. StudentsFirst advocates education reform, including the ending of teacher tenure.

I had no idea who Ms. Rhee was, before today. Thanks to Google, I learned that she was chancellor of Washington DC’s school system from 2007 to 2010. According to her entry in Wikipedia,

Rhee inherited a troubled system; there had been six school chiefs in the previous 10 years, students historically had below-average scores on standardized tests, and according to Rhee, only 8% of eighth graders were at grade level in mathematics. The D.C. schools were performing poorly despite having the advantage of the third highest spending per student in the US.

 

That last sentence confirms my contention that just throwing money at our broken education system won’t fix it. As a nation, we spend more money per student than any other country — and on math and science tests, our students score lower than most of them.

 

Visit my website: http://russbellew.com
© Russ Bellew · Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA · phone 954 873-4695

Dress for success, not ridicule.

What was the US Olympic Committee thinking?


U.S. Olympic uniforms

We’re the team representing the Gay Frat Boy Yachting Club, Che Guevara Chapter.
caption by roadkit

I love funny blog articles and their comments. Here are two recent ones:

  • London Olympics: You’re Doing it WrongThis comment by roadkit:Do I think they should burn these uniforms because they were made in China?

    No. I think they should be burned because they look like shit.

  • Worst Olympic Uniforms Ever
    In case you didn’t notice the tastefully subtle logo on the front, these are made by Ralph Lauren. Technically, though, they were made in China. What’s more American than large corporate logos and outsourcing jobs to China? Complaining about it . . .

Why not complete the ensemble with a big red nose and oversize flapping shoes?

I pity the US athletes who are forced to wear this get-up.

Visit my website: http://russbellew.com
© Russ Bellew · Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA · phone 954 873-4695

My vote for best online April Fool joke

On the Internet, every day is April Fools day.

Google Nigeria

I often tell friends, “On the Internet, nothing is necessarily what it claims to be”. April Fools Day allows us to have fun with this fact. Matt McGee today documented Google’s April Fools Day pranks. Within his article I found my favorite: a mock Google Nigeria site.

What online pranks did you find this April 1st?

Previous video April Fool jokes by BBC:

Pigeons beat UK broadband

Image of a letter sent by pigeon post
I wonder how the speed of a pigeon carrying a thumb drive compares to the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Bandwidth test confirms wisdom of Sesame Street’s Bert.

One of my favorite characters on TV’s Sesame Street is Bert: I always admired his stability (especially when compared to his anarchic roommate, Ernie). Among Bert’s (admittedly dull) interests are pigeons. And now I know why. According to a recent test, pigeons can transport more data than broadband service in the UK. (For a laugh, read the comments after the brief article.)

A race between an old method of using carrier pigeons versus the new modern form of communication through broadband took place in the U.K. on Thursday. The pigeons took first place as they were released from a Yorkshire farm at the same time as a five-minute video upload began. An hour and a quarter later, the pigeons reached their destination in Skegness 70 miles away, while only 24 percent of a 300 MB file had been uploaded. Campaigners say that the stunt was being carried out to help illustrate that broadband in some parts of the U.K. is still "not fit for purpose."

I had no idea that Bert cared about data communications.

Visit my website: http://russbellew.com
© Russ Bellew · Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA · phone 954 873-4695


“This is a dead parrot” is on a live YouTube channel.

“Hello, Polly!”

It’s not exactly late-breaking news, but if you’re a fan of Monty Python (I plead guilty), you may wish to check out the (official) Monty Python channel on YouTube.
Introduction: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OGqX-tkDXEk

Their business model assumes that if you like the Monty Python clips on Youtube, you may wish to purchase their shows on DVDs or from iTunes. (Sounds like the scheme of an anarchosyndicalist commune.)

Some gift ideas from Craigslist

One man’s trash is, um, another man’s trash.


I’ve had a great time looking at the junk that’s been offered for free on Craigslist, all in one handy place: http://itemnotasdescribed.com  Take your pick of collapsed sheds, fallen trees, or wheelchairs that don’t wheel. The items are bizarre, and the comments offered by the website owner are a hoot. Among my favorite comments is the one that accompanies the home-made trebuchet (pictured): http://itemnotasdescribed.com/page/12/
 
"I have a trebuchet that i build for a physics project. It is stained and has gold paint on it. Its been in my backyard and i need to get rid of it. Its about 4.5 feet tall and very sturdy, holds 350 pounds from what i know. PICK UP ONLY!"

Comment by itemnotasdescribed’s owner:

On the off chance you don’t know, a trebuchet is essentially a catapult/giant slingshot. They’ve been out of style for 600 years or so, so you’re forgiven for that little gap in your knowledge. There are costs to owning a 350 pound trebuchet, there’s no getting around it. For one, it will render a huge swath of your yard unusable. The trebuchet becomes the focal point of your yard, obscuring all else. The kids can’t play ball. The dog can’t run around in high-speed figure eights.

But there are benefits. Well, one, really: you can lay seige to neighbors for blocks around. The Bostwicks over on Deacon Street? The ones who never trim the tree overhanging the sidewalk in front of their house? Load up a light bowling ball. Let them know they need to be a bit more responsible. The Singh kids down the block? The ones who bring the speakers outside on sunny weekend afternoons, blasting that weird foreign-language hip hop? Load some old Top 40 vinyl on this thing and whip it at them. A lesson in both music history and neighborliness. And Jim Edwards, with the two rusting Cadillacs out front that haven’t moved as long as you’ve lived on the street? Well, even he may get tired of looking at the cars once you’ve rained down ten pounds of landscaping rocks on them.

Be prepared for a little bit of disappointment, though. Given the arc of this thing’s swing, you’re always going to overshoot the next door neighbor. You may have to knock on her door and just ask her to mow the damned lawn.

What’s your favorite item on this loopy site?
 
Visit my website: http://russbellew.com

 

 

United broke Hitler’s guitar, too!

Remember last month’s delightful song and video clip, United Breaks Guitars?

Here is a parody, the result of creative subtitling. I spent years studying German in high school and college, so I can vouch for the accuracy of the transcription. Does anyone recognize the source film? I sure don’t.