There are sports and sports.

Last October, this article provided a laugh about thugs in pro sports: NFL Goes A Month Without A Player Arrest For First Time Since 2009. Just one more reason to avoid watching pro sports.

When I was a boy, I was a fan of first the New York Yankees baseball team and then the Baltimore Orioles baseball and Colts football teams. I was a pretty good baseball and football player and loved playing both games. I was lucky to see the legends play on their home fields: Mickey Mantle, Brooks Robinson, and Johnny Unitas.

Then I grew up. Now that I’m an adult, I have no interest in professional team sports. Adults sound infantile when they gush about a pro ball team. Don’t these jock sniffers understand that any team will jump ship when a better tax break is offered by another city? Ditto the players? There is no team or player allegiance. Why cheer for any pro team?

Most pro teams are owned by closely held corporations. It makes more sense to watch their share prices and cheer for each uptick.

Have you seen today’s fans of professional sports? Most haven’t exercised since high school P.E. class.  Only I.T. professionals have more grotesque physiques. At least one author agrees: America’s Passive Obsession With Professional Sports Is Promoting Obesity. Malik Mohammed commented,

I never understood the obsession grown men have with sports. And it’s not just pro sports, even amateur college teams have fanatics. Why? Are these guys just living vicariously through people more talented than them? Are they trying to escape their own meager life with mindless hobbies? Or are they just conforming to the interests they think a man ought to have? The passion people have for a bunch of guys throwing a ball around is astounding.

Lucius Petillius Clarus added,

“We won, we won!” you’ll hear superfans say.

No you pathetic second-hander, “you” didn’t win. A group of highly paid men playing for money beat another group of highly paid men playing for money. They’re not even from your city. You don’t know them and they don’t know you. They don’t give a fuck about you beyond getting you to pay $50 for a jersey and $150 to see one of their games.

I do like other sports, though. Swimming, water polo, water skiing, surfing, cycling, hiking, self defense. Most of these sports demand fitness, which requires sustained training. They also require strategy, reflexes, and technique. Most involve little or no money. Most attract few spectators.

Some of my peers like to golf, or bowl, or snow ski. They call them sports. I call them pastimes. (I played golf as a teenager. My mother and I always walked; I can’t imagine riding in a golf cart! Golf is okay . . . if you’re a sissy.) Russians call chess a sport, which is silly.

How bad is the NFL crime problem? NFL Player Arrests since 2000

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